All you Hollywood Producers and Directors scouring the reactionary blogosphere for hit-movie ideas have finally found your needle in the haystack.
In a world where the press spins sensationalist stories in which NSA employee abuse various Signals Intelligence databases to snoop on their adulterous wives and girlfriends (before inevitably getting caught and disciplined, and which of course
every no lawyer with access to Lexis or Westlaw does with impunity). They call it LOVINT (not really a common term). But it’s really LUSTINT or JEALOUSINT. But whom do you really LOVE enough to want to INT them?
So … dig this pitch. A group of very alpha-male looking military intelligence analyst coworkers spend their lunches in the OPS2 cafeteria collectively worrying about their teenage kids. They’ve tried to be good role-models, but they work long hours and frequently travel abroad, defending the country against terrorists and what-not, and they’re worried about that the next youthful indiscretion could become an irreversible mistake. That their little Hannah Montanas will turn into carousel-riding, attention whore Miley Cyruses.
‘Remember what happened to George’s daughter last year’ – ‘Yeah man, that’s exactly what I’m talking about, that was so tragic and random. I hope I can keep my own daughter from making the same mistake. But how? I can’t be there to protect and watch over her all the time…. well, I mean … wait a minute.’
“ARE YOU GUYS THINKING WHAT I’M THINKING?!”
Oh you know they are! “Gentlemen, I have a proposal …”
Hilarity ensures! It’s PARINT (or, in the alternative ‘PARINTING’).
Yes, I know, it’s such a good idea the script writes itself, but Handle’s already got one ready for you to exploit before this particular news cycle rolls over, so respect his assertions of copyright and put him on the payroll.
The good news is that the scale of Snowden’s actions and Greenwald’s drip-feed will be the gift that keeps on giving with free press for your film. Did I say ‘free press’? Yes I did!
For extra depth, you could have representatives from the broader intelligence community take part. Human Intelligence (interrogations!) Counter Intelligence (polygraphs! tracking devices!) Geospatial Intelligence (real-time google maps!), Imagery Intelligence (drones!), and Signals and Cyber Intelligence (emails, Skypes, Twitter, Facebook, phone calls, texts, you name it!).
Catchphrase 1: “She’s going out on a date; He’s collecting meta-data”. Yeah – the date-data link needs work.
Catchphrase 2: “Dad’s using PRISM, to keep his son out of PRISON”. Ugh – even worse.
Hey, hey, everybody’s a critic – it’s just brainstorming. Ok, we’ll let the marketing guys figure those out.
There’s shades of “This Means War” and of course
a rip-off off an homage to Di Niro’s character in “Meet the Parents” is a must. Try to throw in some tall lanky WASPY types and definitely some guy with a British accent.
Lot’s of opportunities for forbidden good-girl / bad-boy or Romeo and Juliet forbidden teenage romance themes, and also that great Daddy-daughter reconciliation, ‘it’s the thought that counts and I only did it because I love you so much because you’re still my baby girl’ at the end. Hey, maybe even a little matchmaker storyline combined with “Can’t Buy Me Love” and some Cyrano de Bergerac action, to help feed the clueless beta niceguy the intel he needs to score the hot babe.
Possibilities, possibilities. People, it’s solid gold.